Turnaround
by Hieiko
Summary: Spike finally goes to see Buffy in Italy, but their reunion does not go as well as he'd hoped. Cordelia Chase wakes up from her coma, and leaves the City of Angels. Spike/Cordy. On indefinite hiatus.
1. Default Chapter

Author: Hieiko (spikey@otakumail.com) 

Author's Notes: This is my first BtVS fanfic. Why write only now when the show is over (and now AtS is also almost over)? Well, because I was busy READING tons of fanfics while the show was still being aired. I've read probably hundreds of fanfics (mostly Spuffy). I suppose I was too busy reading, to actually set aside the time to write. And while I am truly a Spuffy fan, this fic isn't really Spuffy. I think I felt like writing this because of righteous indignation over Buffy and Angel's shared kiss at the end of "End of Days" (it's been almost a year, you'd think I'd have gotten over that.) Still, I always get that familiar twinge of hurt. (I have issues.) I love Spike, and I like Cordy; I resent how Buffy and Angel took them for granted. That's how this story was born. I guess this is a BtVS/AtS crossover in a way, except that the timeline is after the BtVS finale, veering off somewhere in AtS season 5. This starts out with quite a bit of angst, but I'm a complete sap, so the end is fluffy. Remember, it's All!About!Spike. 

Disclaimers: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series, or any of the characters in these shows. I only write about them. 

Distribution: If you want this, go ahead. Just email me and tell me where it's at. Thanks. 

Spoilers: Set Post - BtVS: Chosen and Post - AtS: Destiny. AU after that. 

Pairings: Hints of S/B, A/C, and B/A. Eventually S/C. 

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations. Nothing you won't see on the show. 

Feedback: Would love that, pet. Send 'em off to spikey@otakumail.com 

Summary: Spike finally goes to see Buffy in Italy, but their reunion does not go as well as he'd hoped. Cordelia Chase wakes up from her coma, and finds out that her friends are now working at Wolfram and Hart. She leaves the City of Angels and starts a new life elsewhere. The blond vampire and the part-demon seer find love once again, in the people they never would have expected.   
  
  
  
**TURNAROUND**   
_Chapter 1_   
  
  
  
==================   
January 17, 2004   
Rome, Italy   
================== 

"I...I do love you, Spike. Just...not like that. Please understand... I care about you, but..." 

He didn't hear the words. Not really, because her face said it all. 

He should have known this would happen. He knew her better than she knew herself, after all. But part of him had always held hope, especially as he remembered her telling him those three little words... 

_*I love you.*_

...before he burned up in the Hellmouth. Turns out he had been right, even back then. 

_*No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.*_

That was what he wanted to say, to repeat the words he had uttered while he slowly caught fire. Because as much as it hurt being slowly burned 'til he was ashes, he thought he'd rather go through that again than have her reject him again. Especially now, after everything they'd been through together. But a little voice in the back of his mind whispered that maybe that was the problem. That what they'd been through was already too much. But that thought was squashed easily when she spoke again. 

"Spike, please say something. I don't want to hurt you. It's just that, you know how I've always wanted this..." 

He did. He knew. Buffy Summers wanted a normal life, and a vampire (even one who had gotten his soul for her) did not fit into that picture. He wanted to growl, and fight, and shake her out of it, tell her she would never be normal because she was not only a Slayer, but THE Slayer. He was also aware that doing so would be useless. She was nothing if not stubborn. And as always, he would be the one to give in. 

"I understand, Buffy." The words came before he could even think. He understood it was what she wanted, even if not WHY she wanted it. So he told her what she wanted to hear. Because that was what he did: give her what she wanted. Even if it would break him. 

She wanted to touch him. He could practically see the mixed emotions churning within her. She wasn't sure of her next move. 

He almost, almost reached for her... he wanted to hold her one last time. But if he did, he wouldn't be able to let her go. 

_*The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. 76 bloody trombones.*_

There wasn't going to be a parade anytime soon. And if it did happen, it wouldn't have anything to do with him. She could never truly let herself love him. So he made the decision for her, and took a step back. 

His heart didn't break as he watched her walk away from him for the last time. How could it break, when she had already shattered it long ago and then stomped on the pieces? As he lost sight of her, she took a part of him away. But at least this time, he could pick up what was left, and try to put it back together. 

Maybe he'd just do away with love altogether. 

Yeah, right. He was, and always will be, love's bitch. And he's man enough to admit it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Hieiko (spikey@otakumail.com) 

Disclaimers: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series, or any of the characters in these shows. I only write about them. 

Distribution: If you want this, go ahead. Just email me and tell me where it's at. Thanks. 

Spoilers: Set Post - BtVS: Chosen and Post - AtS: Destiny. AU after that. 

Pairings: Hints of S/B, A/C, and B/A. Eventually S/C. 

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations. Nothing you won't see on the show. 

Feedback: Would love that, pet. Send 'em off to spikey@otakumail.com 

Summary: Spike finally goes to see Buffy in Italy, but their reunion does not go as well as he'd hoped. Cordelia Chase wakes up from her coma, and finds out that her friends are now working at Wolfram and Hart. She leaves the City of Angels and starts a new life elsewhere. The blond vampire and the part-demon seer find love once again, in the people they never would have expected.   
  
  
  
**TURNAROUND**   
_Chapter 2_   
  
  
  
==================   
January 18, 2004   
Rome, Italy   
================== 

He'd thought he would go out and get drunk 'til he passed out. 

He'd thought he would run out into the night and kill things, preferably rip them apart with his bare hands. 

He'd thought he would scream and rage and then sob like a pathetic git. 

And he would. He was sure he would. Just not right now. This lack of feeling, this numbness... he'd savor it, because it wouldn't last. Not for long. This was just holding off the inevitable. William the Bloody was nothing if not passionate. 

Right now he was calmly sitting on the bed in his motel room, and he gave the common reply to the ridiculously common question posed by the teenage girl, no, young woman, sitting in front of him. 

"'M alright, platelet." 

She was a smart girl, though, his Nibblet. He was far from alright, and she could see it clearly, but she also knew he couldn't (that's right, couldn't, not wouldn't) talk about it. 

"You're leaving tonight?" Dawn asked. Part of her wished that he would say no; that he would stay forever and ever, watching over her and her sister. 

"Yeah." 

Briefly, Dawn wondered in what other ways his soul had changed him. Because, this, this LEAVING, was something soulless Spike would not do. At least, not for long. He ALWAYS came back. But now, despite being indifferent towards him for all of last year, she was gripped by fear that she would never see him again. And there was that horrible word. NEVER. 

"Will we ever see each other again?" Dawn was surprised that she was able to keep her voice steady. 

Spike wanted to say yes, that maybe he'd pop round for a visit every once in a while... but he loved his Bit and he owed her the truth. 

"I don't know, Bit. Can't make any promises. 'M not exactly good at keeping them." 

Dawn shook her head. "Spike... don't think like that, okay? You've always done your best. Please, Spike?" 

Spike nodded. "But I still won't promise anything." 

A second later, he found his arms full of mystical-Key-turned-human-girl. She buried her face in his chest and kept mumbling over and over again, but even with his vampire hearing, he couldn't make out the words. 

Spike adjusted their positions so that he leaned back on the headboard, as Dawn curled against his side. 

"I missed you," she whispered. He heard her clearly this time. 

"Missed you too, Nibblet," he answered, running his fingers through her shiny brown hair. The movement was supposed to calm her, but since he had always been hesitant to touch her in the past, she was afraid of what his lack of hesitation now meant. That didn't mean she wouldn't enjoy the sensation as much as she could, though. 

Still, she wanted him to tell him something. "No, Spike. I mean, I really missed you. Every time you weren't there. When you weren't around much after Buffy came back. When you left after... to get your soul back. When you were living in our basement, but I was too stubborn to talk to you. And when you were gone...after..." 

The tears came. Spike held her, comforted her, much as he did in the days after Buffy died. Dawn remembered that Spike had cried then, too. He had grieved, had hurt as much as she did. There had been times when she had been the one doing the comforting, but those were rare. And she realized now that here she was again, being comforted, when it was HE who was hurting the most. 

Dawn looked up, and sure enough, there were silent tears running down his cheeks. He didn't want to leave them; they were his girls. But it hurt too much for him to stay. And here she was being selfish, wanting him to stay and to always be around, and be her best friend again. What kind of best friend was she if he was always the one having to make sacrifices for her? 

_*We could still be friends, right? Just... long distance.*_ Dawn thought. 

Her decision was made. She would let him go. She loved him enough to do it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author: Hieiko (spikey@otakumail.com) 

Disclaimers: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series, or any of the characters in these shows. I only write about them. 

Distribution: If you want this, go ahead. Just email me and tell me where it's at. Thanks. 

Spoilers: Set Post - BtVS: Chosen and Post - AtS: Destiny. AU after that. 

Pairings: Hints of S/B, A/C, and B/A. Eventually S/C. 

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations. Nothing you won't see on the show. 

Feedback: Would love that, pet. Send 'em off to spikey@otakumail.com 

Summary: Spike finally goes to see Buffy in Italy, but their reunion does not go as well as he'd hoped. Cordelia Chase wakes up from her coma, and finds out that her friends are now working at Wolfram and Hart. She leaves the City of Angels and starts a new life elsewhere. The blond vampire and the part-demon seer find love once again, in the people they never would have expected.   
  
  
  
**TURNAROUND**   
_Chapter 3_   
  
  
  
==================   
January 21, 2004   
Los Angeles, California   
================== 

Cordelia Chase opened her eyes. This time, she managed to stay conscious for longer than five seconds. 

He was there, looking down at her, with a strange half-worried and half-happy expression on his face. He was also holding her left hand. His skin didn't feel cold like a vampire's should, and Cordy guessed that maybe she was cold, too, which made them the same temperature. Granted, it was a ridiculous thing to think at a time like this. What was a newly-awakened coma patient supposed to think about, anyway? 

The memories rushed into her mind like a tsunami. About Jasmine, Connor, and... all these things that happened when she wasn't really there. Angel was still looking at her, and she wondered if this was how he'd felt when he got his soul. Remembering not-yourself doing evil things, and then having to deal with the consequences. It seemed being away from Angel made her understand him more. That was rather weird. That she understood him at all in the first place, well... 

"...are you feeling?" 

She only caught the last of what he'd said, busy as she was sifting through these memories of hers. Hey, she'd just woken up; she definitely had a right to be disoriented. But still, she gave a little smile, and answered as truthfully as she could. 

"I feel weird. Not sick-weird, just feelings-weird. But I think I'll be okay." 

Angel smiled then, but it had a tinge of sadness. She thought he looked like he hadn't smiled much in a long time. 

"How's Connor?" she asked, as she remembered the little baby-turned-sullen teenager she had helped take care of. But then she recalled what Pod-Cordy had done, and almost wished she hadn't asked about the boy. 

"You remember Connor?" Angel croaked out, eyes wide. 

Cordy frowned at his question. Why shouldn't she remember Connor? Sure, there were a few things that she wished she DIDN'T remember, but why would she forget? Maybe he'd thought she wouldn't have Pod-Cordy's memories. That seemed like the logical explanation. But the way he'd sounded, clued her in that it wasn't the RIGHT explanation. Only now did she look around the room, and what she saw filled her with foreboding. 

"Angel, what the hell are we doing in Wolfram and Hart?"   
  
  
  
==================   
January 31, 2004   
Los Angeles, California   
================== 

Angel replaced the receiver and sighed. Was this happy news? Sad news? Did he care whether it was one or the other? 

When Spike hadn't returned from Italy since he left almost two weeks ago, Angel had assumed that he had reunited with the blond Slayer and... Well, he didn't want to think of what they would be doing. As it was, he had assumed wrong. 

It turned out that Buffy and Spike didn't get back together. And then his wayward grandchilde had taken off for parts unknown. Angel wondered what that would mean for the Shanshu prophecy. 

He also wondered what it would mean for... him and Buffy. He still kept that sliver of hope that someday they would have their chance. That hope had shrunk considerably when Buffy chose Spike as her Champion instead of him. But now that hope flared again. Could he ever truly let go of her? 

"Angel, I need to tell you something." Cordy's voice broke into his thoughts. 

She stood at the doorway of his office. From the speculative look on her face, Angel realized Cordy knew exactly what he had been thinking. 

When Angel didn't reply, but instead just looked at her, Cordy stepped inside the office and stood in front of his desk. She motioned for him to move, and then they settled beside each other on the couch. 

"Look, I'm just going to say this. Direct to the point, okay?" She paused. "I love you, Angel." 

"Cordy..." Angel started to say. 

She cut him off. "Please, Angel, don't say anything yet. There's something else. I'm leaving." 

"Leaving? You mean, leave Wolfram and Hart? But Cordy, you don't have to do that..." 

"No, I don't. But this is what I want. This place... it's not a good place. I can't convince any of you, but I can't stay here." 

"Where are you going? Stay, please. You know we care about you." He paused. "I care about you, Cordy. I lo-" 

"Don't say it. Not when just minutes ago you were imagining a future with Buffy." 

Angel didn't know what to say, because she was right. So he kissed her. And she kissed him back. 

They pulled away almost at the same time. When Cordy looked up and stared straight into his eyes, Angel saw that she hadn't changed her mind. She knew him well, knew that he hadn't moved on. He couldn't string her along. He'd hoped she would stay and they could just be friends, but now knew that wasn't going to happen. 

"Goodbye, Angel." And then she was gone. 


	4. Chapter 4

Author: Hieiko (spikey@otakumail.com) 

Disclaimers: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series, or any of the characters in these shows. I only write about them. 

Distribution: If you want this, go ahead. Just email me and tell me where it's at. Thanks. 

Spoilers: Set Post - BtVS: Chosen and Post - AtS: Destiny. AU after that. 

Pairings: Hints of S/B, A/C, and B/A. Eventually S/C. 

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence, and sexual situations. Nothing you won't see on the show. 

Feedback: Would love that, pet. Send 'em off to spikey@otakumail.com 

Summary: Spike finally goes to see Buffy in Italy, but their reunion does not go as well as he'd hoped. Cordelia Chase wakes up from her coma, and finds out that her friends are now working at Wolfram and Hart. She leaves the City of Angels and starts a new life elsewhere. The blond vampire and the part-demon seer find love once again, in the people they never would have expected.   
  
  
  
**TURNAROUND**   
_Chapter 4_   
  
  
  
==================   
February 10, 2004   
Madrid, Spain   
================== 

Spain was a far cry from the way it had been a hundred years ago. Madrid was a lot different... but then, Spike had never been to Madrid before. It was Barcelona where he and Dru had their fun wreaking the usual havoc and destruction. 

_*Those were the good old days,*_ Spike thought. Then immediately felt guilty thinking about it. _*Bloody stupid soul.*_

Spike thought of counting the days. How long had it been since he'd last seen Buffy? He hadn't been sober enough to make light of the days and nights. It was getting ridiculous to a point. He wasn't even like this when she had died. Why was he doing this now? 

_*Right, then.*_ It was time to go kill something.   
  
  
  
==================   
February 24, 2004   
London, England   
================== 

_*Cordelia Chase, Seer and Watcher, two for the price of one.*_

Cordy felt like laughing. She never in her wildest dreams (or perhaps, her most boring dreams) ever imagined that she would be a Watcher. And yet, here she was, the Council's newest Watcher-in-training. 

She was laying all the blame on Wesley. 

Of course, she knew why the ex-Watcher, now a Watcher once more, had decided to leave the illustrious law firm of Wolfram and Hart. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce had been glad of the Council's offer. He hadn't wanted to go back to Los Angeles after the debacle with the robot version of his father. The firm's loss was the Council's gain, of course. The Council needed more experienced Watchers in the fold, because, after the destruction caused by the First Evil, there were only few of them left. 

After leaving Los Angeles, Cordy hadn't really known where to go. She'd stayed with an old friend in San Francisco for three weeks, and while she had fun for the first few days, it quickly wore off. Her friend had been one of the Cordettes of Sunnydale High, now living a life of luxury and relaxation. But the Cordelia Chase of present time had already changed far too much to still live like that. 

So when she got the call from Wes, off she went to England to get back in on the action, the life of "helping the hopeless". Though now she was wondering if she'd have been better off staying in California.   
  
  
  
==================   
March 6, 2004   
London, England   
================== 

"God, if I'd known I'd have to study ancient Sumerian, I would never have agreed to this Watcher gig," Cordelia complained as she sipped her tea. And what was with all the tea-drinking the British did, anyway? Personally, she'd prefer a nice frappucino at Starbucks. 

Sitting in front of her, Willow Rosenberg raised an eyebrow and then giggled. "I'm sure it has its perks." Then she frowned. "Doesn't it?" 

Beside Willow, her best friend Xander Harris remarked with mock enthusiasm, "Why yes, if you mean that one day you'll be asked to watch over a super strong teenage girl who will never listen to you and will leave you to research all the dusty tomes in dead languages... yep, definite perk there." 

Cordy laughed. "Is that what Giles says? Well, with the same meaning, only with longer words." 

"Nah, G-man enjoys all the reading of dead languages. It's the not listening that gets to him." 

"Same with Wes, then. I swear, those guys probably drool at the sight of ancient texts." 

"Oh, come on, it's pretty exciting to read and translate and discover things from antique tomes," Willow commented. 

Both Xander and Cordelia just stared at her and raised their eyebrows. 

"It is! For Watchers, anyway," insisted the redhead. 

Xander smirked at Cordy. 

Cordy groaned. "I don't think I'm cut out for this." 

But in the back of her mind, there was a little voice saying, _*Watch out, world, Cordelia Chase is going to be a hell of a Watcher.*_


End file.
